I Hope I’ve Found It
Peace is within.
Loop
There’s no use in asking if the question is wrong. This, I’ve decided, is true. At least for me. I only feel caged inside my head. I get that sick feeling because I keep coming back to the question. I’m sick of hearing my own thoughts.
Sherlocked
Mycroft Holmes
And here you are, the dominatrix who brought a nation to its knees.
Nicely played.
Sherlock Holmes
No.
Irene Adler
Sorry?
Sherlock Holmes
I said no. Very very close, but no.
You got carried away. The game was too elaborate, you were enjoying yourself too much.
Irene Adler
There’s no such thing as too much.
Sherlock Holmes
Oh, enjoying the thrill of the chase is fine. Craving the distraction of the game, I sympathize entirely. But sentiment? Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side.
Irene Adler
Sentiment? What are you talking about?
Sherlock Holmes
You.
Irene Adler
Oh, dear God. Look at the poor man. You don’t actually think I was interested in you?
Why? Because you’re the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?
Sherlock Holmes
No.
Because I took your pulse. Elevated… Your pupils dilated.
I imagine John Watson thinks love’s a mystery to me, but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very destructive. When we first met, you told me that disguise is always a self-portrait - how true of you. The combination to your safe, your measurements … but this, this is far more intimate. This is your heart…and you should never let it rule your head.
You could have chosen any amount of number and walked out of here today with everything you’ve worked for. But you just couldn’t resist it, could you?
I’ve always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage.
Thank you for the final proof.
Irene Adler
Everything I said, it’s not real. I was just playing the game.
Sherlock Holmes
I know.
And this is just losing.
Shields
The more I look into it, the more I wish I didn’t. I guess It’s one of those love-hate things you can’t help. I’m still not used to it. Because I don’t see what you see. And I don’t understand what you’re doing. I get the feeling that I probably never could because I can’t accept it in my heart.
My words might be insincere and my judgments might remain unchanged.
You get the idea, but you may never be sure of what I actually mean.
I don’t feel like arguing. I don’t feel like digging up deeper. Maybe I’m just wishing that there’s something down there you fail to realize. I’m keeping my suspicion.
Conflicted
You’ve always known. You’re just afraid of choosing to know.
Isn’t that what always happens in your mind?
Trust
“Friends?”
“Friends.”
It should’ve been that simple. But trust isn’t something you give away easily. I might spend more of my time thinking of every possible underlying reason, but I wouldn’t flatter myself that much. It was what it was.
Some bonds are inexplicable, some are just imaginary. One by one it diminishes and even disappears. I understand it doesn’t bother me much anymore, but I keep wanting ours to matter.
I care. But I don’t feel it. I keep wanting to find you even though I don’t feel it. I try to figure out why and one less idealized explanation I have now is because I’ve put so much into this and I don’t want it to be all that futile and empty.
But I keep thinking it’s not just that. Maybe I don’t want bad things to happen to you.
I just care.
Le SocMed
Maybe what’s great about it is we get to talk about anyone we like and call this person “you”, sometimes without the obligation to explain or justify the attitude, and even without the need to really address our thoughts directly to the person.
Being vague has become sort of my “specialty” too in the end. It’s not a very good habit, but I like it anyway.
A Defining Idea
I realize I don’t feel like keeping up with your ramblings anymore. And it’s not necessarily because they became less interesting. You are still the same person, but that spark sort of disappears because someone is standing in your way, blocking it. I don’t think many people can outshine you nor do I think this person really is blocking your way. It’s just that their mere presence sort ruins this persona you have. For the first time it’s not just a grand idea anymore but a real living person that becomes a central point in the definition of your psyche. What’s most unfortunate to me is that… I don’t get this person. I don’t buy this…idea of a new central point.
For the first time I get to see you in a very different light. And I don’t care about this one as much.
Out
I feel a bit disoriented these past few days. I can’t seem to clear my mind off things. It feels like I’ve gone out of character. And it’s not that simple to take control again. I sort of just let myself plunge into some weird reality.
